The definition of fallout according to the American Heritage College Dictionary, is "The slow descent of minute particles of debris in the atmosphere following an explosion." 

That definition reminds me  of what it's like weeks and months after the cancer battle.  In the battle I remember just trying to get by day to day.  Some days it felt like treading water.  There wasn't much energy left for the extras.  Even with the help of family and friends, the laundry turned into a mountain.  And I didn't realize it at the time, but the little things added up.  Things like new shoes and underwear.  In the last few weeks, I realized how long it had been since I'd shopped for the bare essentials for the boys.  In recent days I've thrown away shorts that had holes from wear.

In the last few weeks, I think I've looked and felt stronger.  My middle son even commented today on how my hair was getting longer and my finger nails had come back.  He knew the chemo robbed me of not only my hair but my fingernails.  The boys and I had joked about finding the plastic nails I'd glue on in odd places.  I'd find one on the floor of my car and think how my children must think this is strange.  But then again, most women brake nails every now and then. So we'd joke about it.

But with painful hands, shopping was low on the list.  Even if my hands didn't hurt, the fatigue would cut an outing short. But now praise God I am stronger and the pain in the hands has subsided!  I've discovered shopping again.  My other son reminded me he hadn't gotten new shoes or shorts in quite some time.  I guess since he'd waited to ask for new things until I looked healthier.  What great kids!

I felt like my eyes were adjusting to the light after coming out of a cave.  There are a lot of things in my home I have to catch up on.  But I thank the good Lord I'm getting strong enough to deal with them. I also know I have to accept the fact that there is fallout from cancer.  But it is fun catching up on lost shopping trips and realizing what a blessing the little things in life deliver.  Simply shopping for my children is even sweeter than it was before cancer.  I feel like an olympic runner just crossing the finish line when I hold up the new pair of shoes I was able to purchase for my child... all by myself!

I'll deal with the fallout as I can... I'll get to the closets and conquer the laundry mountain... eventually.  Yes cancer is a study in patience, even after the treatments are over.

Blessings to you!

Brenda Ladun